Pass on your wisdom, not your wounds

Grateful to Squamish Valley Recreation for sharing this:


“Here’s what we need to understand as parents: kids are loud, they’re messy, they’re all over the place, they’re intense, and that’s the way they’re supposed to be. Kids are not supposed to be well-behaved. They’re supposed to come into this world and basically flail their arms and find out where the boundaries are. That’s what kids do. And our job as parents is to allow them to find those boundaries safely. And sometimes it’s hard, because kids come into this world and behave in ways that press our buttons because we see so much of ourselves in those children. What are kids need to do more than anything else is learn how to regulate. Most of you who don’t know how to regulate don’t know because your parents never demonstrated it to you. When a child is having a meltdown, what do most parents typically say? Stop it! Just stop it! For  God’s sakes, stop it! Go to your room! I’m sick of hearing you carrying on.

Whereas, what a child needs in those moments is a nice calm parent in the midst of a shitstorm, to get down on one knee, and grab them, and bring them in, and just hold them and say, it’s going to be okay. Just breathe. Just breathe.

A child can feel the quality of your presence. And if you’re just being with a child, but you’re not present with a child, they will literally behave in all sorts of abstract ways because all they want is to feel your presence, because every time you get pissed off, they may not get the form of presence they want but they get the energy, they get the connection. It might be a fit of rage that creates more pain, but there’s a part of them that goes, ah, finally, I’m connected.

We need to understand that when a child is upset, they just need to be shown how to regulate.

Their job is to make us strong. Their job is to teach us. They’re the greatest teachers you’ll ever have.

What kind of world are we trying to create here?

The more you work on your personal issues, the less chance you have of transferring it onto them, and them having to deal with it. Pass down wisdom, not wounds. The greatest opportunity our kids have is by learning from the best example we can give them. Our  species is really dependent right now on a new generation of thought leaders coming through who are healthy, happy, balanced, who can look at things in a more conscious way and make better decisions than some of the decisions we’re making right now, collectively.


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