Maybe it’s not cool for a white woman to quote adrienne maree brown as a justification for attending Canada Day. When the poet, writer and movement mediator wrote We Will not Cancel Us, she was responding to something that was happening within the movements and community around black liberation and Black Lives Matter, where people who were stepping into vulnerable leadership roles were being “canceled” and called out for transgressions or violations or bad behaviour.

In the description of her book, We Will Not Cancel Us, it says:

“Cancel” or “call-out” culture is a source of much tension and debate in American society. Originating as a way for marginalized and disempowered people to address harm and take down powerful abusers, often with the help of social media, call outs are seen by some as having gone too far. But what is “too far” when you’re talking about imbalances of power and patterns of harm? And what happens when people in social justice movements direct their righteous anger inward at one another?”

In We Will Not Cancel Us, movement mediator adrienne maree brown reframes the discussion in a way that points to possible paths beyond this impasse. Most critiques of cancel culture come from outside the milieus that produce it, sometimes even from from its targets. However, brown explores the question from a Black, queer, and feminist viewpoint that gently asks, how well does this practice serve us? Does it prefigure the sort of world we want to live in? And, if it doesn’t, how do we seek accountability and redress for harm in ways that reflect our values?

I heard her speak about it, so gently and lovingly, to Krista Tippett, in an On Being interview that left Krista very puddley… like, the interviewer was suddenly completely disarmed by the genuinely disarming wise-woman she was interviewing.

And the phrase came to me as I stood on the sidewalk this Canada Day thinking, is this the right thing for us to be doing? I had endorsed this parade, and put my son in it, as a way for us to try to move through to a new place… but we could have rightfully cancelled it. We could cancel Canada Day entirely. Would that mean we are cancelling ourselves? and eradicating our roots, and coming even more disconnected from the potential ways we can move towards repair and solutions? Don’t we need to know our own identities, in order to come together in a way that does less harm? Isn’t the nature of hurt people hurting people and unresolved trauma perpetuating at play, when people whose stories and deep connections with land somewhere have been erased, then participate in the erasure of indigenous cultures elsewhere? Hungry ghosts and people who don’t even know their longings or their unmet wounds or their history, surely, are more dangerous and harmful, than those who are actively stumbling and bumbling but at least know their names and what to call themselves?

What identities do I lead with? I introduced myself as an Australian-Canadian when I took a microphone that day, but both of those identities are of settlers, of people who were displaced from homelands, and who took up residence in another’s, and contributed to a trail of dispossession and abuse and injustice. So, am I the descendant of Scottish, Irish and English emigrants, part of the diaspora caused by the Industrial Revolution? Should I shrink smaller and get very quiet, here in this current iteration of “Canada” that is the result of an intentional and active campaign of erasure – of a nation state creating space for itself to exist and generate wealth, by “cancelling” or erasing or eradicating or oppressing all the Nations that pre-existed it.

I don’t think we repair this, by cancelling ourselves, by shrinking back and saying, “okay, we don’t want to do anything to offend, we are just here to listen and learn,” and dumping therefore all the responsibility onto the shoulders of those who have already been shouldering the hard work of surviving and resisting in an aggressive and oppressive system.

I think brown offers some beautiful insight, that while directed towards a different audience, is still instructive.

Let’s start from a place of being complex and sacred human beings, with complicated histories, lived wisdom and insights to share. Let us work as hard as we can not to cancel anyone out, in our efforts to grow towards something more beautiful.

we will not cancel us

We will not cancel us.

We hurt people. 

Of course we did, we are human. We were traumatized/socialized away from interdependence. We learned to hide everything real, everything messy, weak, complex. We learned that fake shit hurts, but it’s acceptable. 

Our swallowed pain made us a piece of shit, or depressed, or untrustworthy, or paranoid, or impotent, or an egomaniac. We moved with the herd, or became isolationist and contrary, perhaps even controversial. We disappointed each other, at the level of race, gender, species…in a vast way we longed for more from us.

But we will not cancel us. 

Canceling is punishment, and punishment doesn’t stop the cycle of harm, not long term. Cancellation may even be counter-abolitionist…instead of prison bars we place each other in an overflowing box of untouchables – often with no trial – and strip us of past and future, of the complexity of being gifted and troubled, brilliant and broken. We will set down this punitive measure and pick each other up, leaving no traumatized person behind.

We will not cancel us. But we must earn our place on this earth. 

We will tell each other we hurt people, and who. We will tell each other why, and who hurt us and how. We will tell each other what we will do to heal ourselves, and heal the wounds in our wake. We will be accountable, rigorous in our accountability, all of us unlearning, all of us crawling towards dignity. We will learn to set and hold boundaries, communicate without manipulation, give and receive consent, ask for help, love our shadows without letting them rule our relationships, and remember we are of earth, of miracle, of a whole, of a massive river – love, life, life, love.

We all have work to do. Our work is in the light. We have no perfect moral ground to stand on, shaped as we are by this toxic complex time. We may not have time, or emotional capacity, to walk each path together. We are all flailing in the unknown at the moment, terrified, stretched beyond ourselves, ashamed, realizing the future is in our hands. We must all do our work. Be accountable and go heal, simultaneously, continuously. It’s never too late. 

We will not cancel us. If we give up this strategy, we will learn together the other strategies that will ultimately help us break these cycles, liberate future generations from the burden of our shared and private pain, leaving nothing unspeakable in our bones, no shame in our dirt. 

Each of us is precious. We, together, must break every cycle that makes us forget this.