Every day each of us faces some form of conflict in our personal, professional, economic, or social environments. Here are some useful tips to enhance your skill set in managing conflict.

9 Handy Hints for Managing Conflict

Conflict and negotiation are some of the most frequent, yet challenging aspects of social interaction. They tap into our values, beliefs, attitudes, perceptions, judgments and emotions. Conflict, in itself, is not a negative dynamic, however, it is often how we negotiate and handle conflict when it arises that can either strengthen or damage valued relationships. Here are some handy hints to help manage conflict and retain positive relationships.

1.    Do something different…
Repeating the same behaviour and expecting a different outcome is the definition of insanity. I have control and choices over my (re)actions and behaviour when I experience conflict. Expecting “you” to change in our relationship, if I don’t first choose to do something different myself, is unrealistic.

2.    Take a moment…
Think through to the consequences and logical conclusion of your words or actions. Often, when confronting conflict, the first words you speak will set the tone for the rest of the interaction. Plan those words carefully and even practice them ahead of time.

3.    Play by your own rules…
Refuse to play by a positional negotiator’s rules. Match the energy that others put into defending their positions with the energy you put into supporting your interests.

4.    Silence can be golden…
In negotiation, what you don’t say can be just as effective as what you do say. When we make an impactful statement, we can give it weight by allowing the other person to absorb it in silence. Also, if we don’t know what to think, it’s probably not a great idea to make it up as we go along. Stop, breath, think, and then respond.

5.    Become a master of the obvious…
Asking the obvious questions is something that should happen a lot more often; it’s the unanswered questions like “how are we going to make a decision today”, that land us in trouble at the end of a three-hour planning meeting.

6.    Equalize airtime…
It’s hard to speak and listen at the same time. If you think to yourself “It seems like I’m doing a lot of talking”, chances are that you’re doing a lot of talking. Listen to your inner voice and equalize the airtime (ask a question).

7.    Believe you can make a difference…
Believing that you can make a difference is the first step in making a difference. Give yourself all the credit you think you deserve, and then some.

8.    If you must leave, leave the door open…
Sometimes, we can do everything within our power and still not reach agreement. Close the negotiation by leaving the other party with a sense of openness, integrity and collaboration, despite the current inability to proceed. In doing this, you will gain valuable “relationship equity” setting the tone for productive interaction in the future.

9.    If it doesn’t seem worth the effort, it probably isn’t…
Choose your hills to die on. Avoiding conflict isn’t a bad thing, as long as it’s a choice and not a knee-jerk reaction. Weigh the interests at stake and choose your actions accordingly.

Things often seem more complicated than they really are. By viewing the world through an interest-based philosophy, life’s challenges can often appear a lot simpler. Take the time to observe behaviours of the people around you, especially those people who challenge you, and ask yourself, “why does that behaviour make sense to that person?” By doing so, we move from a need to defend, to a need to understand.

(source: Kent Highnam, Cert. ConRes., BA, MA, JIBC Centre for Conflict Resolution)