Author Archive

This month’s Farm Column is all pictures. Take a look and you’ll see why.

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Too. Busy. To. Write. Instead, Anna offers up some farm pictures for your edification. Farm porn is a thing, you know. And it’s much more family-friendly than it sounds. Kinda nice to immerse… Continue reading

The most tricky thing a cycle commuter has to navigate is not what you think

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As an admitted (you read it here first) Recognition Junkie, I am very fond of road waving. I ride my bike to work most days and I absolutely love that I can get… Continue reading

Farm stories, and oh, that electoral system of ours

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For this edition, I am getting back to the basics of what this column was founded upon: farm stories. Quiet, unassuming farm stories. Simple, clear, lightly sardonic and gently ironic, with a secret… Continue reading

Anna Helmer wonders which Big Issue to take a crack at today

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Well let’s see here. Lately in my Wellness Almanac column I have rather bravely (according to me) looked into certain deep issues including: Trump, coming out, parenting and global food system failures. Here… Continue reading

Farm story does parenting

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Having children, it seems to me, is a golden opportunity to experience a constant sense of pride, freedom and downright celebration of accomplishment. That’s right, and allow me to explain while those without… Continue reading

So, this Trumpocalpyse is starting to feel personal.

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I’ll jump right in. When he was first elected I kinda thought to myself: well, there’s another imperfect democracy for you. Apparently, enough people in the right places felt good enough about him… Continue reading

Got parsnips? #loveyourrootveggies

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Back in the waning days of 2016, Anna Helmer nominated the parsnip for Crop of the Year. I bought a bag of them – my first ever parsnip. I’ve roasted them, chucked them… Continue reading

Anna Helmer’s creative non-fiction column for the New Year: Personal Issues Edition.

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The farmer in winter. Is a mess. She is gaining weight, most notably. She is unproductive, almost concerningly. She has probably created at least one cavity per week in her sugar assaulted teeth.… Continue reading

Anna Helmer’s Creative Non-Fiction Column for December

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The shortlist of self nominated, self-awarded, self-indulgent and perhaps of interest only to self Awards for the 2016 season at Helmer’s Organic Farm are as follows:    Crop Flop: Celeriac Doomed from the… Continue reading

Root vegetables on your mind? Anna Helmer thinks it’s about time you discovered parsnips..

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The evolution of parsnips 2016: Here we go from seeding, to sprouting, to sized-right-up-very-nicely-thank-you-very-much. We(I) have nominated parsnips for Crop of the Year award. We(I) will be handing out the gongs next month.… Continue reading

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